i.   am.   tired.

the world has worn me ragged
and i am tired. i am exhausted.
people tearing and ripping, gnawing and biting,
breaking my heart into pieces,
shreds of hope and confidence littering the floor

and   i   am   tired.

the sky is dark and cries with me—
heavy, fiery drops from heaven raining down and melting my skin
and we all blend together again.
so much emphasis on being separate
only to die together and alone.
the realizations grasp my chest and start to consume what's left,
so   i   run.

i run fast and hard and long
until the sun stops coming up
and the cold starts creeping in.
it starts with my skin and seeps to the core,
making my body quake until bones begin to shatter.
then finally
           my heart stops.

and i stop feeling it anymore—
i   stop   feeling   anything.
          no more i love yous or i miss yous,
          no more i'm sorrys or forgive yous,
          all i'm left with is exhaustion and a hint of fear.

i am afraid(ofyou)
of letting myself be warm again,
of letting the searing rain fall on my face,
and letting myself melt and mesh with you again.
lies and hatred and ripping and tearing
but i keep coming back to the door,
standing, waiting for you to come home,
praying you don't (butknowingyouwill).

i want the rain to be cold and wet,
to fill the cracks in my dry aching skin
and make me beautiful again—
make   me   whole.
i want hope and love and beauty
and i want you to be who i thought you were
(notwhoyouendedupbeing)
because   i   loved   you   backthen.

as tired as i am,
i keep believing and keep coming back and keep opening the door
because i   hoped   someone else would walk through.

it's   always   you.

after all the hurt, the tears, the ripping, the tearing,
i am still too tired to hate you, too tired to be angry.
after everything, we are still standing at the same door
with the same question.
  i   don't   have   the   answer.
but as i stand here, staring into your orange eyes,
i'm not sad. i'm not your victim.
somewhere along the way i stopped expecting you to change.
you and i are broken and together we fall to pieces.

perhaps
we   are   all     b   r   o   k   e   n   .
broken and running and frozen and alone.